Just a Thought

Hi everyone. It's me again.

I just want to share my thoughts. Dito ko naisipan magshare kase I'm not sure if out there eh maiintindihan ako ng mga tao. 

Suddenly while brushing my teeth kanina, naalala ko my real mom left us when i was only 2yrs old bec she had an affair with another man. My grandmother always explained to me na hindi siya tinatabihan sa kama ni papa at mabarkada ang papa ko. And since early 20s lang mama ko eh hot na hot pa at my needs. I ignored that time kase di ko maintindihan ung "needs" na un.

My stepmother which replaced her also got caught cheating by my dad when I was in college. She had an affair for 2years sa naging kachat nya sa MIRC. For the 2nd time, tinaihan ang dad ko sa ulo. And my stepmother also shared to me na di magana ang dad ko sa kama maybe bec dahil diabetic siya or since hindi mahilig or totoo ung jokes nila na maliit t*ti ni papa. 

Anyway, I never paid any attention to those before. Dahil di ko pa naiintindihan at di ako open-minded. But now, just now, narealize ko why my two mothers cheated. Because maybe they were never satisfied, they were never romanced the way they wanted to be, they never got the attention, the love they needed...

And now I feel like im facing the same challenge.

I am pregnant, currently staying at home taking care of my son. And my partner is out Tuesday-Sunday working his ass leaving home at 5:30-6am and going home at around 12:30am-1:30am. He is very tired. I know that. 

Mondays is his only off yet he still needs to go out para asikasuhin ung van nya, maintenance since its the source of income and other activities like going to the gym & maybe meeting his friends.

While im left with my son 24/7 & 7 days a week. Going to hospital with my son, going to grocery/bank with my son etc etc. No leisure time. No personal space. And my partner not attending to my needs.

March 2019 na. Ive only had encounter TWO QUICKIE SEX with him. Na siya lang nagcucum. And everynight I just watch porn to satisfy my needs.

I dont want to cheat bec he doesnt deserve it. Pero I keep on complaining & begging na to him explaining na i have my needs. Is it too much to ask for? 

Sa mga magpapartners, I believe na a happy sex life makes the relationship strong eh. And now im really frustrated and depressed. I feel so ugly. I feel unloved. Not appreciated. *sigh*

Parang gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na if he doesnt have plans on making love with me then I'll find someone who does.

UPDATE 1: The other other morning nagusap kami, he said sana daw pumayag ako kagpa-iyot sknya. Sana daw wag ako magbilang at atleast daw ako nkkpgmasterbate siya daw hindi. Naiipon na daw tamod nya at atleast daw ako pinagpaparausan niya hindi ibang babae. 

What he meant is sana pumayag daw ako sa quickie na siya lang lalabasan. Since nkkpgmasterbate naman ako. Ano sa tingin nyo?

UPDATE 2: 

Text ko sa kanya.

"Kagabi naligo ako, nagpalotion pa ako sayo para akitin ka. Pero deadma ka na tlga sa akin

Nakatulog ka naman nung hapon ibig sbhin may lakas ka. Nakatulog naman na si AJ. Pero tutulugan mo din ako. 

May pagkakataon pero di mo kinukuha ung pagkakataon na yon.

Iniisip ko tuloy, ano ba plano mo? Gawin akong sex doll? Parausan mo lang?

Para nko tanga na nagmamakaawa sayo. Ineexplain ko lagi ung needs ko pero wala pa din".

Nung nilolotionan nya ako tinitigasan daw sya. Sabi pa nya "sarap sipsipin na parang kuhol." (Akala ko nga mkkpg sulat ako ng story sa PSE.)

Sabi ko "puro ka naman salita eh!" 

Sabi nya "eh ung bulilit o gising pa."

Di nko kumibo. Until nakatulog na kami lahat. 

Samantala ang haba ng nap nya nasa 530-10pm.

Nagdinner kmi around 10pm.

1130pm un nung natutulog ulit kmi.

So may energy siya. Pero puro salita lang.